Okay, here I was, minding my own business and pow, the most retarded scammer ever to hit the face of the earth finds me out of the blue. For those of you who aren’t aware, this is a very popular scam called a 419 scam. The basic premise is as follows. They ask you to take some money on their behalf and they promise to give you a percentage of it. Since most people only have one bank account number they give them that number. Then our friendly Nigerian promptly takes the bank account number and withdraws all your money. (No, this isn’t my real YIM ID, so don’t try to message me there):

[20:26] ozdeprince: hello RSnake

[20:27] ozdeprince: good morning

[20:27] ozdeprince: <ding>

[20:31] RSnake: hello?

[20:31] ozdeprince: hi

[20:31] ozdeprince: good morning

[20:31] RSnake: Who is this?

[20:32] ozdeprince: my name is otos negro

[20:32] ozdeprince: i am 25 male from liberia

[20:32] RSnake: k?

[20:32] ozdeprince: and you?

[20:32] RSnake: Why are you messaging me?

[20:32] RSnake: 419 scam?

[20:32] RSnake: you want my bank account?

[20:33] ozdeprince: no

[20:33] ozdeprince: i did not want your bank account

[20:33] ozdeprince: but i need your assistance

[20:33] RSnake: you want to give me 100,000,000

[20:33] ozdeprince: why are you talking like this?

[20:33] RSnake: Because I don’t know you?

[20:33] ozdeprince: i want to talk with you

[20:34] RSnake: Why?

[20:34] ozdeprince: cant you see my picture there?

[20:34] RSnake: No

[20:34] ozdeprince: check it i am standing behind a car

[20:34] RSnake: Why do I need to see your picture?

[20:34] ozdeprince: so you can know me very well

[20:34] RSnake: Why would I want to do that?

[20:35] ozdeprince: i am from morrovia liberia but i reside here in ghana west african

[20:35] RSnake: That’s amazing.

[20:35] ozdeprince: i have a consignment that contains 20,000,000m$

[20:35] ozdeprince: i canme here to ghana cause of the war there in my country

[20:35] RSnake: hahah

[20:35] RSnake: awesome

[20:35] RSnake: keep going… you need to give it to me

[20:36] RSnake: so that you can get it out of your war torn country

[20:36] ozdeprince: and noticed that my father deposited this money here in ghana before he was shut

[20:36] RSnake: to save it from the tyrrany of your leaders there.

[20:36] RSnake: You want to give it to me so that I can hold it for you and for this favor you’ll give me 10%

[20:36] ozdeprince: i want you to help me recieve the consignment there in your country

[20:36] RSnake: I’d never have guessed!

[20:36] ozdeprince: i am offering you 30%

[20:37] RSnake: oohhh… sorry, I thought it was going to be 10%, my bad.

[20:37] ozdeprince: from it

[20:37] RSnake: crazy

[20:37] ozdeprince: and also i want you to send to me an invitation so that i can come over as soon as you recieve it there

[20:37] ozdeprince: what did you mean?

[20:37] RSnake: That’s an interesting twist…

[20:38] RSnake: I hadn’t heard that one before.

[20:38] ozdeprince: this is not a twist

[20:38] RSnake: Oh, this is the normal 419? I must be behind the times.

[20:38] ozdeprince: this is real cause have all the proof to it

[20:38] RSnake: oh yah? show me proof

[20:38] ozdeprince: this is not a scam

[20:38] ozdeprince: this s real

[20:38] RSnake: ohhhhh…

[20:38] RSnake: this is reaaalll

[20:38] ozdeprince: yes

[20:38] ozdeprince: mine is real

[20:38] RSnake: I thought it was fake.

[20:38] RSnake: but since you said it’s real, it must be real.

[20:39] ozdeprince: i have the consignment with the secutity company

[20:39] RSnake: uh huh?

[20:39] ozdeprince: yes

[20:39] RSnake: So what do you need from me to get started?

[20:39] ozdeprince: and i am seeking you to help me recieve it there in the states

[20:40] ozdeprince: i want you to give to me your contact information such as your phone number and your fax number

[20:40] RSnake: I don’t have a fax number, I stole this internet connection from my neighbor. I don’t even have a phone.

[20:41] ozdeprince: and after then you contact the security company for verificatin and more details about this

[20:41] RSnake: Okay, cool, give me their number.

[20:41] ozdeprince: the name of the security company is GLOBAL STORAGE AND SECURITY COMPANY

[20:41] RSnake: okay, got it.

[20:42] ozdeprince: the name of the director of operations is ADDO MOSES

[20:42] RSnake: How do you spell ADDO?

[20:43] ozdeprince: and their phone number is 00233243021871

[20:43] ozdeprince: yes that is it

[20:43] ozdeprince: i want you to call the security company in respect of otos negros consignment from liberia

[20:43] RSnake: Perfect, I’ll call the secret service with this information and give it to them for you.

[20:44] ozdeprince: and also tell the director of operations that you are my beneficiary who wanst to help me recieve my consignment

[20:44] RSnake: Oh, I will!

[20:45] ozdeprince: that you want him to give you more information on how my consignment can be transferd to you

[20:45] RSnake: Of course I will.

[20:45] ozdeprince: an you call them now?

[20:45] RSnake: I can’t, I have to have sex with my dog first, but then I’ll do it.

[20:46] ozdeprince: what did you mean?

[20:47] RSnake: I mean that I want to have intercourse with my dog nice and slowly. Once I’m done with that, I’ll call.

[20:47] RSnake: It could take a while.

[20:47] ozdeprince: did you sex dog?

[20:47] RSnake: I haven’t started yet, but any minute.

[20:48] ozdeprince: why did you sex with dogs?

[20:48] RSnake: Because dogs are a man’s best friend.

[20:48] ozdeprince: here is my number 00233243830270

[20:48] ozdeprince: did you know my name?

[20:48] RSnake: Yes, it’s otos negro

[20:49] ozdeprince: ok

[20:49] ozdeprince: so when are you going to call the company?

[20:49] RSnake: Oh, right after I finish with my dog, Fido.

[20:49] ozdeprince: are you serious?

[20:49] RSnake: Fido is looking at me with those big brown eyes. I know what he wants.

[20:50] RSnake: He’s a boy, so I let him be on top.

[20:50] ozdeprince: why did you sex dogs?

[20:50] RSnake: They know how to do me right.

[20:50] ozdeprince: ok

[20:51] ozdeprince: so i want you to give me a call as soon as you get intouch with the security company

[20:51] RSnake: Okay, otos negro, I’ll get right on that.

[20:52] ozdeprince: ok

What’s with these guys? Well, actually I already know… this is the third largest economy in Nigeria… I guess any idiot will do. He didn’t even catch where I said I was going to send this info to the secret service. Dumbass.

Update 09/05/2005:I got a lot of funny comments on this one, but this one from my friend Greyhat was especially good:

Greyhat: i bout blew pepsi out my nose when you asked how to spell addo

-RSnake